I hired a doula who didn’t turn up when I gave birth. This growing ‘profession’ needs regulation

Other parents should not have to go through the stress and uncertainty we had to endure

The main problem is that there is not a professional body checking their training or sanctioning them for any misbehaviour (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

In September 2018, my husband and I met with joy the news that we would become parents the following May. I had joined my husband in London, from Italy, two years before and got married very recently.

In early Spring 2019, as the due date was approaching, we decided to look for the support of a post-natal doula, an idea widely recommended to parents, like us, who live in London with no supporting families.

Roughly 40 days before the due date, we made an extensive search on a specialised website, findmydoula.co.uk and selected for interviews two doulas promoted by the same website. In late March, we met Juliette* and Sandrine separately at our flat.

Because she seemed to be more flexible, we decided to choose Sandrine: at the end of March we informed her of our decision and she seemed enthusiastic.

The due date (2 May) was growing quickly nearer. As we were planning to have a natural birth, we were not sure of when the baby would see the light; yet, four days before the “conventional” due date, we wrote Sandrine a text to verify that everything was fine.

Sandrine’s answer was dreadful and unexpected: “Hello!! I am thinking of you all. Best of luck and see you soon. Just an FYI: this weekend I am away and will be back on the 7^th of May. Remember in France a due date is in 41/42 weeks and NOT 40. Be calm: your body knows what it is doing.”

Famous last words: on 1 May, following a routine visit, I was hospitalised at Chelsea Westminster for an emergency induction.

We already had decided to rule Sandrine out – booking a holiday for the very period when your client is expected to give birth isn’t very professional to say the least.

But before starting the induction process, I wanted to inform her about the outcome of her “prophecy”. I was curious to hear her reply. “If you want to talk about this, please feel free to ring. The risks of induction are high, too,” she texted. “If that baby needs to come out quickly, for both your health and baby, why are they not offering you a C-section? An induction can take days surely; the urgency to your well-being is not as severe as they are scaring you with.” After letting me down, she was now offering me unsolicited and unauthorised medical advice. This answer scared me intensely. What a mistake it was to have contacted her. We never heard from her again.

Given the emergency and the significant stress my husband and I were both experiencing, we decided to contact Juliette, the other doula we had previously interviewed, to search for support. We explained the situation and Juliette replied: “I am sorry to hear this. Of course, give me a call once baby is here.”

When our baby boy was delivered the following day, Juliette joined us in the same afternoon and stayed with us for 3 hours. The next day she stayed with us for another 3 hours.

Her schedule was tight and we were aware of that fact when hiring her, but the next day, 4 May, Juliette was unable to make it (yet found the time to send an invoice for the previous 6 hours, that we paid immediately). On the 5 May, she was supposed to join us at the hospital, but texted at 14.04: “Hi Isida, huge apologies but I will not manage to see you today as I have been called out. Hopefully, you will get home today and I can see you there tomorrow”.

Then at 19.30: “…I will most likely be able to come tomorrow but sadly cannot guarantee. Can you please contact some of the other doulas that you interviewed to see if they are available?” Our reply: “Thank you Juliette, we will contact another doula”. We never heard from her again.

We felt abandoned, for the second time in a couple of days. We were aware that Juliette had other commitments in the same period and her schedule was busy, but she should not have accepted our request if she felt there was a risk she was unable to follow through on her commitments.

Again, we frantically searched around for support and, owing to a friend who had recently become a mum, we got in touch with Allyson, a professional night nanny, who helped us immensely.

Our son is now almost five-months-old, is very cheerful, and we are so happy with him. But the first few days of his life were extremely unsettling and I am still very frustrated by the idea that two doulas, professionals who are supposed to help a mother in the most vulnerable moments, literally deserted my family.

But there is a point here: are they really “professionals”?

The main problem with doulas is that there is not a professional body checking their training or sanctioning them for any misbehaviour.

Our case show that some doulas casually over-book and feel free to provide medical advice that should be reserved to doctors. The “Queendom” of doulas is a grey territory in terms of qualifications and control. There is no real accountability. My husband and I believe that it is essential the government take action and regulate more strictly the activities of doulas in the United Kingdom. No one should have to go through the stress that we did.

*Their names have been changed to protect their identity