Between The Covers

'What do you do when the UN weapons inspectors turn up unannounced? Mr Hussein guides you through Islamic entertainment on a shoestring'

Sooner or later we all have to face up to the fact that we shall have to go out and buy people presents for Christmas, which is rushing towards us with all the mindless ruthlessness of a new Harry Potter film release, and so to help you all I am bringing you today a quick'n'easy guide to the best of the seasonal books in the shops.

'Me and My Palaces', by Saddam Hussein, Baghdad University Press, £50

A lavish colour book by the president of Iraq, showing the nooks and crannies as well as the glorious vistas of some of the 20 or more palaces he regularly lives in, plus 10 he didn't know he had until he came to write this book, plus one more he has built recently on the advances from this book. Answers all the questions you always ask about palaces, like: Where are the torture chambers? And how easy is it to store those unwanted weapons of mass destruction?

'The Peter Foster Self Help Book', Old Lag Press, £25.99

This self help book by a well-known Australian business operator sums it up succinctly like this: "If you want something badly enough, this is my self help message in three succinct words: help your self." Actually, "help yourself" is two words, so beware of his calculations. His message might also be summed up as: If you want something badly, then get it badly.

'The Collected Letters of Edwina Currie and John Major', Dryad Press, £19.99

These are the letters they wrote in the days of the old Tory government, and if you ache to have more details about their classic love affair, you will rush out and get it. You will also be very disappointed, because these are all inter-office memos and strictly political, with not a mention of passion. If, however, you are keen to know more about the day-to-day activities of a junior health minister and a junior whip, then this is just for you.

'The Iraqi Snack Book', by Saddam Hussein, Baghdad UP, $50

You know what it's like. You're relaxing one day at one of your palaces when suddenly there is a knock at the gates. It's UN weapons inspectors on a surprise visit. They look hungry and thirsty. As a military dictator, your impulse is to have them shot. As an Arab, your duty is to hospitality and generosity. But the staff are having the day off and you can't remember where the kitchen is. What do you do? With modesty and humour, Mr Hussein guides you through all the pitfalls of Islamic entertainment on a shoestring.

'About a Parson', by Joanna Trollope, Popular Press, £19.99

The new paperback from Joanna Trollope.

'About a Trollope', by Nick Hornby, Popular Press, £19.99

The new paperback from Nick Hornby.

'A Hornby Train Set for a Boy', by Tony Parsons, Popular Press, £19.99

The new paperback from Tony Parsons.

'Great Gardens of the First World War', by Richard Holmes and Alan Titchmarsh, Red and Green Press, £39.99

It had to come sooner or later – crossover books yoking the big themes of our time. This pioneer volume of military horticulture reveals that the famous no man's land between the trenches was not just a stretch of mud – often it was a beautifully landscaped and planted terrain. There was a famous stretch of herbaceous border, full of dahlias, near Ypres, which changed hands several times, and Haig more than once gave the order: "Capture German bulbs at all costs". Lovely colour photos.

'The Prison Makeover Book', by Saddam Hussein, Baghdad UP, £35

What if a prison is overcrowded and unhealthy? Be bold, says Saddam Hussein in this enlightened book: let out your prisoners and start from scratch all over again. Thousands of practical hints (including the interesting tip: "Hide mass weapons in a prison – they'll never think of looking there!")

'I Went off into the Sahara Because I Heard that Nobody was Doing it This Year', by Michael Palin, BBC, £39.99

The book of the TV trailer.

'I Went off Down the Rest of Africa Because I Heard that Michael Palin was in the Sahara', by Paul Theroux, Travel Press, £39.99

As read on Radio 4.

'Stupid Black Men', by PJ O'Rourke, Uptight Press, £29.99.

A study of Robert Mugabe and other African leaders.