Mike Rowbottom: A yapping Strachan is a fourth official's worst nightmare

I don't know whether Steve Dunn enjoyed his evening in Southampton this week. I hope he did. But I fear he didn't.

As the fourth official during Southampton's match against Everton, Dunn was charged with keeping law and order around the bearpit of the dug-outs – officially and amusingly termed the "technical area."

For much of the night, this area was as technical as a boot up the arse as two red-haired Scottish managers, Gordon Strachan and David Moyes, gave an extended impression of unhinged weathermen, taking it in turns to rage from their seats and air their views regarding the competence of the referee.

I was put in mind of that amusement arcade game where you have to hit mice on the head with a plastic hammer as they pop randomly from a grid of holes. Dunn, however, had to play the game without a plastic hammer, relying on an increasingly fixed grin and the old Prince Philip hands-clasped-behind-the-back routine.

At one point, as he dodged back and forth along the edge of the technical area in an effort to interpose himself between Moyes and the referee, Dunn resembled a marker in a basketball game.

At another point he looked like a labrador being set upon by an unleashed terrier as Strachan rushed up to him with metaphorical teeth bared. Under the increasingly concerned gaze of a police officer, the Southampton manager yapped and finger-jabbed at Dunn until he had to be pulled away.

Strachan may not have been swearing – he said afterwards that he had wanted the police officer to bear witness to that fact – but he sure as hell was using intimidatory behaviour.

Joe Guest, Referees Officer at the Football Association, was not quite ready this week to admit that for most of his members the call to take a turn in policing the technical area was as welcome as a bowl of cold sick.

"It's a job, and it's part and parcel of the game," he said. "The referee is dealing with 22 players on the field, but the fourth official is dealing with just as many on the sidelines. You have five substitutes from each side, and probably six training staff. There can be all sorts of things going on. And you are dealing with all of them in a very confined space. It can be very difficult.

"Managers respond in different ways, just as players do. Our guys are expected to manage the situation without getting into confrontations wherever possible. They have to be polite. It sometimes helps to smile and laugh. But there are no written guidelines.

"You can give as much advice as you want, but you can't simulate what managers are going to do in certain circumstances. What works with Phil Thompson and Gérard Houllier would not work with Sir Alex Ferguson or Steve McLaren."

This, of course, begs certain questions. The most obvious of which is: What could work with Sir Alex? Talking about his horse, perhaps?

"I bet Rock of Gibraltar doesn't give you this much grief, Alex."

"Aye. You're not wrong there, son."

"Although I heard you were a bit of a handful yourself in your playing days..."

"Hard but fair. Everyone knew that."

"I believe that Alex. I really do. Tell me, when you got your knighthood, did the Queen say anything to you?"

Who knows. It might work.

Talking to McLaren should not pose such a problem right now, given Middlesbrough's buoyant form.

"They said you should never have left Old Trafford, Steve. But you're proving them wrong, aren't you?"

"We're not in bad shape right now."

"You've done better than Brian Kidd, haven't you? Mind you, I feel a bit sorry for the way the Leeds fans treated him."

"Yes. It can be a cruel game sometimes..."

With Thompson you might try and take the historical approach.

"Phil, they said Tommy Smith and Gerry Byrne were hard men, but I reckon you were up there with them when you needed to be. This lot nowadays – they're all handbags and hairstyles, aren't they?

"So tell me, did you used to take anything in for Gérard when you visited him in hospital? Does he like jelly babies or stuff like that? Mars bars? Actually, Phil, that's starting to hurt..."

Guest points out that any one incident during a football game can be viewed in different ways depending upon one's vantage point. What looks clear cut from up in the stands can be less evident from the dug-out, and vice versa. Strachan had the benefit of both outlooks on Wednesday night after being banished from pitchside, but it did not seem to improve his mood.

The sad truth for all match officials is that there are only two important viewpoints in any match – 'ours' and 'theirs'. Or as they are alternatively known – 'right' and 'wrong'.