A good time to bury some more bad news

There are not one, but two additions to the long and distinguished list of New Labour ministers that stand accused of "burying" bad news.

Patricia Hewitt and John Reid, right, have raised eyebrows after it emerged that their offices are planning to release important sets of departmental figures at the end of this week.

On Friday morning, Hewitt will reveal details of the latest NHS waiting lists and times. Not long afterwards, Reid plans to unveil the latest set of prison population statistics from the Home Office.

Since both announcements promise to cover controversial ground, political opponents smell a rat.

Parliament will not be sitting on Friday, while the news agenda is likely to be dominated by England's World Cup quarter-final against Portugal the following afternoon.

Tory MPs reckon this a bit rum. "I've just seen the agenda for the week ahead," says one. "Between Monday and Thursday, you've got a dozen big speeches from the Cabinet. On Friday, not a single one.

"Instead they're releasing two big, controversial sets of figures. It's charitable to call it a coincidence; given this Government's track record, you've got to wonder."

Last night, spokesmen for both Hewitt and Reid denied funny business, saying their statistics go out at the same time each month.

"It's ludicrous to suggest we set the publication date to coincide with a World Cup match," I'm told. "If you say or imply otherwise, we'll complain."

Art too precious to be sketched

Christopher Ofili's installation The Upper Room is causing another storm at Tate Britain.

For reasons of "conservation", the gallery has banned visitors sketching the colourful series of paintings. Last week, visiting GCSE students from St Marylebone Girls' School in Westminster were ordered to ditch notepads.

"It seemed very over the top," says their teacher, Stephanie Cubbin. "Art students learn by copying other artists. I'm sure that's how Chris Ofili learnt. It's a shame: the girls liked his work."

The Tate has already taken a hammering over The Upper Room after it emerged that the decision to purchase the £705,000 work was taken while Ofili, right, was a trustee.

"Because of the enclosed nature of the installation, visitors aren't able to sketch," they told me yesterday. "It's for conservation reasons, basically."

Rich tea with Widdy

There is a noteable addition to Ann Widdecombe's long and varied list of male admirers: Ian Hislop.

On Saturday, the Private Eye editor attended a charity auction at his daughter's school in Kent. He proceeded to bid furiously for the right to take tea with Widdy, at the House of Commons.

"He ended up paying at least £1,000," I'm told. "It's a hell of a price for a few cups of Earl Grey."

Widdecombe, right, is understandably delighted. "I offer myself for tea to lots of charities, but I'm really looking forward to this one," she tells me. "He's a very funny man."

Meanwhile Hislop, below right, who is curiously sheepish about his considerable wealth, tells me: "I'm sure it'll be worth every penny."

Back rub

Unlike many Scotsmen, Gordon Brown is evangelical about the benefits of healthy living.

Staff at the Treasury will this month be given time off from everyday bean-counting so that they can enjoy a "wellbeing day".

News of the (taxpayer-funded) jolly emerged in a written answer to Anne Milton, the Tory MP for Guildford.

It revealed that staff will be encouraged to join clubs for such activities as yoga, running and football.

"We have an on-site low-cost fitness centre, staff restaurants have healthy eating options, and we provide low-cost therapies such as shiatsu massage," it read.

Some reckon this to be a waste of time. Says one joker: "Everyone knows that Gordon massages figures on the economy, but this is ridiculous."

Wimbledon hit by a dry spell

There were dark clouds over Wimbledon yesterday, and I'm not talking about the persistent drizzle. Staff at the All England Club are in a state of near mutiny after tournament organisers banned them from drinking alcohol while in uniform.

"It's a bloody nightmare," complained one. "We're working from dawn to dusk, in cramped conditions, for the next fortnight. The occasional drink is the one thing that makes it bearable."

The booze ban is keenly felt in the tournament press office, where employees were previously encouraged to "bond" with thirsty journalists.

"It's not even our fault," says an insider. "Unfortunately, some of the young catering staff, and a few groundsmen, went overboard last year. Because they caused ugly scenes, we've all been made to suffer."

pandora@independent.co.uk