Charlotte Philby's Parental Leave: 'Killing is where you get rid of people who aren't nice to superheroes'

A mother's weekly dispatch from the pre-school frontline

I'm upstairs listening to the sound of a pneumatic drill from the neighbours' house, approximately seven inches from my head. It is one of the nuances of working from home on an affluent London street where every house within spitting distance is having major works done.

Every house, that is, except ours. In a bid to avoid the pile of work staring back at me from the far right corner of our bed – my designated office space, ever since moving into our hew home several months ago – I wander downstairs.

Following the sound of the toddler who is shouting "DOWN" endlessly at a picture-book image of a cat, I settle next to my loved ones on the sofa. "Batman is a useless superhero, he's just a weirdo with a utility belt," my husband is explaining, impervious to my arrival.

"No, but Batman does have special superpowers," the four-year-old responds, cuffing her hair out of her face, ready for a fight. "Like what?" he asks. "Like killing people," she says. "Yeah, but anyone can do that," her father responds before I loudly intervene: "Darling, but do you know what killing is?". Our daughter stares back at me, seemingly baffled by my stupidity. "Yes, it is when you get rid of people who aren't very nice to superheroes."

There is a brief pause and then she speaks again: "What does Superman do?" My husband responds, unphased: "Well, he is from another planet and he can fly..." My daughter shrugs. "I can fly." Her dad chuckles, knowingly. "No, you can't." Our daughter puts her hand on his knee with a sympathetic roll of her eyes: "Yes, I can, you just get on a plane or a helicopter. Or you can play hot air balloons."

motherland.net