Cries and whispers

FORGET the Oscar nominations! It's the Cries & Whispers Film Awards that count (not to be confused with last week's CRIES & WHISPERS music awards). And here are the winners!

The award for Poster which is Most Coy about Homosexuality goes to ... In And Out! The slogan is "An Out and Out Comedy", the image is of Kevin Kline, in marital tuxedo, folding himself into a Travolta-esque dance pose. Did no one think it was worth mentioning that the movie is about a man who is outed as gay on the eve of his wedding?

The award for Magazine Ad which is Least Coy about Heterosexuality goes to ... The Wings Of The Dove! A naked Linus Roache nuzzles a naked Helena Bonham Carter, one critic's quote calls the film "sexy", and another promises "the year's most powerful piece of grown-up sex on celluloid" (as opposed to under-aged sex, I suppose). Pornography fans may be disappointed to learn that 30 seconds of miserable copulation are being used to sell a 102-minute film.

The award for Poster and Cinema Trailer which are Most Coy about Heterosexuality Goes To ... Boogie Nights! Maybe the promoters got The Wings of the Dove and Boogie Nights mixed up, but the latter's trailer and poster avoid any hint that the film is about pornographers. And the tag-line seems to be the work of a random sentence generator. "The life of a dreamer. The days of a business and the nights in between." What?

The award for Least Tempting Recommendation Outside a Cinema goes to ... Titanic! Some billboards bear the legend "'Our generation's Gone With the Wind' - Chris Evans, TFI Friday." Bear in mind that Chris "Pauline Kael" Evans's all-time favourite film is True Lies.