The miracle of the eclipse: not having to look at humanity

At least the Church of England doesn't have vicars in loin-cloths staring at the sun

"FRANKLY, IT'S a miracle."

The speaker is the Rev Nigel Sibthorpe.

And if anyone knows about miracles, he should .

But the Rev Sibthorpe is not only a Church of England vicar. He is also an expert on eclipses. He has been on television and radio a lot recently to talk about the eclipse. And his opinion, frankly, is that the whole thing is a miracle.

"Frankly," he says, "it's a miracle. I never thought I'd ever be on TV or radio. And here I am, hardly off it. It's a miracle. Frankly."

And when people recognise him in the street and ask him for some tips about the eclipse, what does he tell them?

"That's easy," he says. "I tell them to go to Scotland or the North of England. Off you go in your droves up north, I tell them! Up the A1(M) with the lot of you!"

But they won't see the eclipse if they go up north, will they?

"No," says the Rev Nigel Sibthorpe, "but it will leave a lot more room in Devon and Cornwall for those of us who want to see it."

He says this with a twinkle in his eye. He is the kind of man who twinkles a lot. Not as much as Tony Blair, but a lot. He comes across as a clergyman, too. Not as much as Tony Blair does, but a lot. He has got his act together, has the Rev Nigel Sibthorpe.

"This is a million-to-one chance for me," he says. "The odds against me being picked as the nation's favourite eclipse vicar are a million to one. And yet it has happened. After Wednesday, of course, I shall be forgotten again. But my faith will let me handle that. I think I have the humility needed to deal with being forgotten."

And what is his advice to people?

"To pray, to be very good and to go to church more regularly."

I was really thinking of advice about the eclipse...

"Oh, yes, the eclipse. Well, I am definitely of the school of thought that says you should not look at the sun directly. This has been tried, and it does not work."

Who has it been tried by?

"Certain wise men in India. In order to mortify the flesh, you sometimes get very holy wise men who sit in the desert and stare at the sun directly for 30 years."

And what happens?

"They go blind after the first year. It makes you wonder why they go on staring at the sun for another 29 years. Actually, it makes you wonder why they are called wise men at all. `Idiots' might be a better word. People have some hard things to say about the Church of England these days, but at least you don't get vicars in loin-cloths staring at the sun."

Mmmm... So how should the eclipse be viewed?

"Through a pinhole viewer, throwing the image on to a white card. Look, here's one. You can have it. For pounds 3.50."

It seems a lot to pay for a piece of cardboard with a small hole pierced in it...

"Oh, sure, it does here in London. But if you're out in the wilds of Cornwall with the eclipse about to happen and you're stuck in a traffic jam, miles from the nearest shop, wouldn't you pay pounds 3.50 for a pinhole viewer?"

Maybe, maybe not. Either way, next Wednesday is really going to be a big day for him, isn't it?

"It certainly is. For a start, being a clergyman I can easily get the day off. For another thing, the BBC has hinted that I might be getting my own gardening programme after the eclipse is all over. That would be great. No, more than that - it would be a miracle."

But what about the eclipse? Isn't that a miracle as well?

"The eclipse? A miracle? Stuff and nonsense!" says the Rev Sibthorpe. "There is a full solar eclipse going on all the time, night and day. The moon is always obscuring the view of the sun from somewhere. Usually, of course, from a hole in space.

"The only thing that's different about this eclipse is that, just for a moment, the moon is obscuring the view of the sun from earth, and that's only important if you think that earth is important and humanity is important."

And does he think that humanity is important?

"Now, that would be telling," says the Rev Nigel Sibthorpe, with a wink. "Put it this way. If God is looking at humanity as a reflected image on a bit of white card which has just come through a pinhole in a piece of cardboard, it would explain a lot."

Hold on, hold on. Does the Rev Nigel Sibthorpe really think that God has to look at humanity via a pinhole viewer?

"If you were God, would you want to look at humanity directly? Frankly, I wouldn't want to run the risk. Think about it."

Frankly, he does seem to have a point.