Silly Question: A word on your earlobe

EARLOBES: Last week, Tim Davies asked why people have them. It is 'so that truculent teenagers can indulge in rebellious self-mutilation without causing prominent and life-long disfigurement' according to Roger Griffith, who has detected a recent growth in lobe size 'in response to the stressful times we live in'. Iain Cowan has a similar explanation, but centred on frustrated Dutch painters rather than teenagers. Jan Moor believes 'they are the only reliable guide to the hairdresser to get both sides cut the same length'. Duncan Bull sees them more as a drainage device: 'Aping cathedral gargoyles, earlobes collect excess precipitation or perspiration and project the consequent driplets away from the neck.' His explanation also extends to noses. John Fillmore contradicts them all, claiming 'earlobes have no function as such'. They are excess material from ear construction packs. Only pixie ear packs match the design perfectly. Susan Wood thought it a silly question: 'Doesn't he know earlobes are for caressing?'

David Sinclair asked: 'Why do people write to newspapers?' 'I write to the newspapers', replied Nicholas Gough optimistically, 'when there appears to be nothing left, am bored to the point of oblivion and need to show I still exist'. John Godfrey says: 'People write to newspapers because they are insecure and need to feel that their opinions are of worth. They do not have the mental strength to appreciate that an opinion does not have to be shared in order to have credence. Writing to answer set questions is the most extreme form of insecurity'. He ends his letter 'Thank you, I feel better'. Another reply said: 'It's just to get my name in the paper' (signature illegible). Keith Williams provided the most succinct answer: 'Too much time, too many stamps.'

Since this survey is based on a biased sample of people who write to newspapers, we should like to hear from people who do not write to newspapers to explain why not.

We should also like to know: where can I find a bushel to hide my light under, and how would I know one if I saw one? (Fred and Jane Merlin). Why is it that when someone says 'Interestingly enough . . . ' it never is? (Gilbert Macneill). Why will my dog eat cat food but my cat would rather starve than eat dog food? (Suzi Brightmore). And why, when cutting down the dotted line on a packet of custard creams, does one always cut through the filling, never between two biscuits? (N J Orme).