Poetic Licence: the sacking of a children's presenter

Richard Bacon, a presenter of Blue Peter, has been sacked by the BBC after being caught on a Saturday night vodka and cocaine binge.

Not since vandals wrecked Blue

Peter's garden

Has a shock wave come this forty

years.

Cast aside those Fairy Liquid

bottles,

Wash the tea-time plates in

children's tears.

Telephones from baked bean tins

and cotton,

Lion leaf-spreader gum and sealing

wax,

Wholesome trains of thought for

British children,

Stitched and glued were set upon

their tracks.

Now let's watch as Lesley's busy

making

Working submarines from cotton

reels.

Canter through an after-school

Elysium,

Peter, Val and Petra at your heels.

From a railway in Snowdonia

Noakes yells at a camera in the fog:

"The only line that I remember taking,

Get down, Shep... was to Ffestiniog."

In its golden days, the show's

producer

Kept a mop and bucket by the door,

Just in case an elephant or donkey

Launched a molten missile on the

floor.

All you need's cocaine and baking

soda,

A ball-point tube, some silver foil

and... CUT.

Only muffled voices break the silence,

And the sound of Auntie's door being

shut.

Keep your nose clean. Literally,

presenter.

Hang on to your badge and watch your

step.

I once went with Noakes - don't tell

the tabloids.

Here's one I made earlier. Get down

Shep!