Edinburgh Festival Day 1: Apparently . . .

Passion, a controversial new work which claims that Jesus did not die but instead made love to Mary Magdalene on the Mount of Olives before escaping to France, has been forced to transfer from Greyfriars Kirk House, a venue owned by the Church. The name of the new venue? Church Hill Theatre . . . Punters who feel admission prices to comedy shows are too high should contact the promoter Addison Creswell, last seen in the Traverse bar shouting 'I'm a millionaire' and chewing up fistfuls of twenties . . .