Day Out

I would get up in my family home in Glasgow with my wife and three kids. Ideally I would make them a fabulous breakfast, but I'd probably just put out a box of Weetabix and tell them to help themselves. It would be a sunny day so I might do a spot of lawnmowing. I'd try to fit in some skiing somewhere, probably the new place at Ben Nevis called Nevis Range. The difference between that and other ski areas is that the people there don't hate tourists, which is a bit of a Scottish disease.

Quick snack at lunch-time. Then get some old school friends together and play a round of golf at Gleneagles Golf Course (0764 663543), with a pint of Guinness afterwards. There are a number of places in Glasgow I might go to in the evening. The Ubiquitous Chip (041-334 5007) is where Glasgow's 'cultural elite' like to be seen, so I'd go to look at them. Nearer home there's Russell's (041-620 1003). It's Scottish trying to be French, if you know what I mean. Or there's 55BC (041-942 7272) in Bear's Den Cross where they do lovely langoustine. There's always Harry Ramsden's Fish and Chip Shop (041-429 3700) if we feel like spending far too much money on fish and chips. It has a children's play area - they think it's a treat and we're not going to tell them anything different.

There's no such thing as a romantic walk - a sprint through a darkened area where you don't get stabbed would be the equivalent. I might step into the Comedy Cellar and do 10 minutes of new material that I'd written that day. I'd leave the club to the sound of people chanting my name and begging for more.

Fred Macaulay, comedian, is at Gilded Balloon, Cowgate, Edinburgh (031-226 6550) to 3 Sept