Boris Johnson’s chaotic rule begins in less than two days – and there’s nothing in the world that will soften the blow

Prepare to down a pint on Wednesday evening, when our new premier is expected to make an off the cuff remark about the British-flagged tanker really being a floating school for anti-Ayatollah investigative journalists

Have you finalised the details of your “Boris Johnson Enters 10 Downing Street” drinking game yet?

I hate to hurry you, but there are less than 48 hours before the formal announcement, and the week ahead will be absolutely the last week in peacetime history to attempt to live through sober.

For any stragglers who haven’t formulated the rules yet, here’s a suggestion to get you going. Knock back a shot every time you encounter the phrase “cabinet of all the talents” – and make it a treble if it appears to be free of scathingly ironic intent.